The Hot Mess

Swingers hang out at bars.  Known fact.  They’ll sit, socialize, have a few drinks, then strike up a friendly conversation with an unsuspecting couple or single person, and the rest is history.

A group of loud obnoxious coworkers were enjoying the happiest of hours when the “professional” couple sitting next to them started a conversation with one of the single women in the group.  She was probably on Cosmo #4 at this point, so the attention was flattering and by far it the most interesting conversation she had EVER had.  The group of coworkers left; the single woman stayed in her engrossing conversation with the couple.  The couple by the way, was also completely smashed at this point but being true pros, had a car waiting for them.  The trio stayed for a while, but eventually the Mrs. of the couple left her Mr. to finish the job.  As the Mrs. walked past my boss, my boss looked at me with a concerned look as if to say, “You realize she’s wasted right?”  I told her not to worry, the woman had a car waiting and finished my sentence with, “but yeah… a real hot mess.”

The single woman heard only the end of the sentence, stood up, and started literally screaming across the bar at me.  “How DARE you call me a hot mess!!”  “Who do you think you are????”  “How could you talk about me while I’m sitting right in front of you!”  “I should have you FIRED!!!!”  She may have spit a few times as she was screaming which made this MUCH more funny to me than it actually was.

I took a long second and laughed my ass off at her in my head.  My boss had actually LEFT the area hearing all of this to go laugh at this woman in a separate room.  I could think of nothing to say except, “Ma’am, explain to me why I would call you a hot mess with you sitting right in front of me?”  Now to be honest… there were several other things I was planning on calling this woman once she had left with her handsome new friend… and she DID leave with her handsome new friend.  But I wonder what she thought of herself the next morning once she realized that she let her self-guilt get the better of her.  I’m just glad she stopped screaming at me when she did or else my other choice words for her would have come flying out of my mouth, and I really WOULD have been in trouble with my boss.

Prost!

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